Resolving problems when communication fails
By David Stiebel

Virtually every book on negotiation and conflict resolution I've read argues the key to resolving conflict is good communication. The advice is simple: listen hard, openly share your problem and the problem will be solved.

Dr David Stiebel calls this the great myth of hidden harmony. "Deep down, he says, we all agree; people first need to understand each other better." Stiebel's book When Talking Makes Things Worse, is the first practical book to show what to do when understanding is not enough.

Stiebel shows that in many cases instead of resolving problems, communication can often make matters worse. In other words, the more we talk the worse things get. Don't believe it, writes Stiebel, when someone says "People just need to understand each other better & sometimes people understand each other all too well."

Strategic Communication

Stiebel uses a four-step method, which he calls strategic communication to resolve problems. The four steps are:

1. Decide whether you have a misunderstanding or true disagreement.
2. Create the other person's next move.
3. Use their own perceptions to convince them.
4. Predict the other person's response.

The Talking Trap

Stiebel shows how talking in circles can escalate into "communication breakdown". He calls it the Talking Trap.

1. I make a demand, you make a demand.
2. I explain my position, you explain yours.
3. I announce I'm digging in, you do the same.
4. I stop talking, you stop talking.

Stiebel stands conventional wisdom on its head and comes up with a fresh approach that really does work. Stiebel writes with skill and flair. His background is impressive. He teaches at the University of California at Berkeley, and consults to a who's who of corporate America.

If you need advice on how to settle a feud or mediate a dispute this book is the place to start.

Available for purchase from Amazon.com